My partner is a premature ejaculator, what can I do to help him?

Ask

With my partner we have been together for 15 years and we have always had a good connection in bed and we have overcome marital crises. However, lately he has started to avoid me sexually because he has started to ejaculate prematurely. Every time I broach the subject with him he tells me he doesn't want to talk and this has distanced us. What I can do?

Answer

“Life as a couple confronts us with the challenge of building a space of sexual-affective intimacy. This implies not only being in the proximity of the bodies -marked by their own history- but also in the nakedness of the psycho-affective shelters that each one has been building, as fortresses or defenses, throughout life. In this sense, premature ejaculation can appear in the first sexual experiences or late in specific couple situations that compromise a certain type of intimacy. Each couple relationship faces difficulties that are unique, since it is constituted from the intersection of two stories,” says Dr P K Gupta, couple and family therapist, and best sexologist doctor.

“Contemporary life has given rise to fundamental questions that put our most traditional representations in crisis: the transformation of gender relations, the recognition of diverse identities, the modification of roles. They are all issues that affect perceptions and certainties about what is possible -and what is not possible- to expect from oneself and from the other”, explains sexologist Dr P K Gupta.

“Couple therapy, as well as psychoanalysis, lead us to recognize in the manifestation of premature ejaculation -as well as in other problems- a configuration that compromises the couple and their particular context and way of life. This leads us, necessarily, to ask ourselves about the unique conditions in which this situation arises, both from the point of view of the relationship and of each one in particular”.

What could have happened?

Premature ejaculation is one of the main dysfunctions that affect the sexual life of couples. Although biological factors are sometimes spoken of, all studies show that in most cases they are related to biographical and relational aspects.

In this regard, Dr P K Gupta, points out that the causes for a man to manifest premature ejaculation are diverse. “Human beings experience situations that are triggered in a multifactorial way. Among the causes, we can find psychophysiological manifestations such as anxiety and high degrees of distress, to which are added difficulties in terms of self-image and self-esteem. We can also add concerns or thoughts related to the work sphere or even difficulties in contact with the immediate environment., experiencing a perception of hostility in environments that were previously believed to be safe. In addition, biological and/or physical alterations can be found, such as genital infections, vascular alterations and/or hormonal imbalances”.

It is estimated that the causes of this condition are 95% psychological and that 40% of men have suffered from it throughout their history. According to Sexologist in Delhi, every man is susceptible, at some point in his life, to developing this condition because human relationships change and so do people. For this reason, always faced with a problem of this type, everything that is around the person who suffers from what is described must be analyzed.

On how such a situation can affect a relationship, the expert points out that “many women see their well-being and sexual satisfaction compromised. However, sexual satisfaction and well-being are always of an individual nature, this means that each individual within a relationship has the responsibility to worry about and generate their own enjoyment and sexual well-being, which they choose to share and enjoy as a couple, involving others affective and even social elements.

How to get through it together

When the sexual life of a couple is affected, it is the task of both to solve it. This is what Best Sexologist in India Dr P K Gupta believes, who maintains that the only way to go through any difficulty as a couple is to have good communication. “The sexual is just one more area within the complete context of the couple, however, a large part of the resolution of these situations implies the development of better communication. This requires greater involvement and commitment from both members, whether or not they find it difficult to talk about their intimacy”.

If we consider the sexual area as a subject that we cannot address, it will be difficult to grow steadily as a couple. “My call is to find oneself in communication, which even goes far beyond words ”, warns the expert sexologist in Delhi.

As for the treatments that exist to cure this sexual dysfunction, they range from pharmacological to more specific sexual therapies. However, sex specialists in Delhi always recommend a combined strategy aimed at developing the affective sphere of the man, so that he can remove the situation that causes discomfort to both members of the couple. Psychophysiological self-regulation techniques can also be involved, which aim to reduce stress and anxiety generated from the possibilities of generating sexual contact.

In this regard, Specialist For Men's Health Dr P K Gupta, explains that: “If there is mutual affection and the desire to project themselves together in a relationship, the direct and indirect consequences that this problem brings to the couple can be faced successfully most of the time.. However, along the way, the complexities of premature ejaculation, as a clinical entity, almost always require the help of a professional who is dedicated in depth to the subject”.

For Dr P K Gupta, sexual problem expert, the ideal is to attend therapy so that a professional can educate on sexuality, self-care, self-esteem, break down myths and taboos that make it difficult to express feelings, emotions and the free manifestation of sexuality. sexuality. To take the first steps, the expert advises:

• Learn self -stimulation again more slowly and consciously.
• Reduce spaces in bed, literally speaking, since couples generally move away physically while in bed.
• Revitalize intimacy and complicity. Feeling the partner's skin and discovering new erotic maps away from the genitals may be some alternatives.
• Preside over intercourse to reduce anxiety in the couple.

How to recover the sexual desire lost with the pandemic

When the relationship is 'deserotized': how to recover the sexual desire lost with the pandemic

The coronavirus has confined us, it has made us feel vulnerable and it has made it difficult for us to venture what the future will be like. With this percale, how do we keep the desire for sex?

Let's go for a year of pandemic. By now, we've stretched resilience to its limits. But it begins to crack: stress, anxiety, depression... With these wicks, the libido of many has been rock- bottom for months. “In order for the sexual response to develop in all its stages (desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution), the body must be calm. The slightest activation of our sympathetic nervous system, whose function is to put us on guard and in an immediate alert-flight attitude, will annul the relaxation necessary to start desiring”, explains Dr P K Gupta, Best Sexologist in India.

And here's the problem: the pandemic has skyrocketed our long-term stress levels (daily fear of infecting ourselves or our loved ones, losing our job, not being able to meet the bills). We have been on constant alert for almost twelve months and we are dragged along, physically and emotionally. With those wickers, it's normal for erotic passion to decline in many bedrooms.

Strategies to get back in the mood

The loss of sexual appetite does not distinguish between single and married, in a relationship or far away. At the beginning of the pandemic, the joke was circulating that, for once, those who live as a couple would have more sex than single people. But locking yourself up by obligation 24 hours a day with your better half (and with the children) more than an eternal honeymoon was for many a Big Brother: a lot of hustle and bustle and little intimacy. Those who lived alone were also not free from collective fear and now, on top of that, they have to rewrite the script of flirtation and spontaneous sexual relations. “Losing a loved one also often affects sexual arousal. And having passed the covid in the first person leaves a transitory exhaustion, even post-traumatic stress, which also interferes with erotic desire.

Low libido is not a disease. Just as it leaves, we can make it come back... with time and good manners. Experts propose several guidelines to recover sexual desire at home. “It is essential to recover spaces and time as a couple. When that space of complicity is missing, the relationship becomes 'de-erotized'. Knowing how to stop working and give yourself a break for pleasure is not going to sink the world economy. And it will do a lot of good for the couple's sexual health.

The comfy of walking around the house doesn't do much good to passionate desire either. Although we are comfortable with our loose clothing, without perfume, without combing or making up (them) and with messy hair and a few days' beard (them), being careless is the staunch enemy of passion. A dinner arranged, even at home, can enliven the passion of the senses.

What if there are children involved? In the absence of grandparents (it is not the best time to recruit them), you have to use your imagination. If both telework, perhaps the working day can be delayed a bit after leaving the children at school to dedicate a moment of pleasure to each other. With the children at home, the best sexologist in Delhi Dr P K Gupta, proposes to take it as almost like an adventure. “Establish a private moment while you leave the children with some snacks and their favorite movie. Or wake up earlier and play don't get caught." Anything to stimulate sexual desire.

And, although these are bad times for fantasy, we must return to eroticism. “Ask your partner about their fantasies or what they would like to try. Recover games that were previously pleasurable for you, try erotic readings…”, says sexologist in Delhi. Other colleagues are more precise: incorporate sex toys or other gadgets, new postures, watch pornography in privacy... Anything agreed upon that can spice up bedroom life helps.

In times of social distance, recovering physical contact is another key for specialist. “We must not neglect expressions of affection with touch, caresses, kisses, hugs. It is essential for the body and, above all, the head (the most important organ in this whole matter), to tune in again with the erotic and affectivity with our partner”.

Finally, sex specialist in Delhi suggests taking advantage of any moment as a couple to warm up engines. "Favoring spaces of physical contact, such as showering together or having a massage, without demanding that it go to greater lengths, gradually awakens desire and brings you closer to your partner again."

What if I feel like it, but my partner doesn't?

Each person experiences the pandemic in a different way. And not only because of the way of facing the reality of the coronavirus. The employment situation, the health of parents, siblings or friends, also conditions. “It is a delicate situation, because the person who maintains the desire usually feels rejected and abandoned and this often leads to expressing it from reproach and demand”, comments the sex doctor in Delhi. “This creates anxiety and a huge sense of guilt which, in turn, increases pressure and stress. Far from solving, we increase the problem. It is very important to try to talk to our partner without reproach or anger”.

Being caught by the pandemic at a time without a stable partner is not easy either. “Most people are being more cautious and, having less sexual stimulation, it is normal for the sexual appetite to decrease. But it is something that will recover over time and with the progressive return to normality.” says sexologist in Delhi.

Every fourth man has sexual problems

 According to world statistics, erectile dysfunction affects 25% of men. Dr P K Gupta, best sexologist in India talks about this problem.

What is impotence?

The term impotence is no longer used today. This problem is called erectile dysfunction. The World Health Organization agreed on this term back in 1992.

Erectile Dysfunction This is a decrease in a man's ability to achieve the desired erection in an adequate situation that will enable him to perform sexual intercourse.

What causes erectile dysfunction?

Let’s start with the fact that sexology is a multidisciplinary specialty. Several bordering fields are united in it - psychology, urology, endocrinology, neurology. The nervous system plays a big role in the mechanism of erection, however, one of the first places is the problems of the vascular system.

Basically, an erection is provided by blood circulation in the genitals. The genitals are a certain balloon that must be filled with blood and therefore reach a certain strength.

Blood vessels are damaged during many other pathologies. Including diabetes, which disrupts hemodynamics. However, somatic, physical problems are less common at a young age. Erectile dysfunction is caused by more psychological problems at a young age. Uncertainty, fear, inexperience, as well as excessive consumption of cigarettes and alcohol, drugs. All of this damages the systems that provide men with sexual potency.

What are the statistics regarding erectile dysfunction in India?  

If we take the world statistics, erectile dysfunction affects 25% of the population. India also fits into this statistical norm, we do not have special statistics. That is, every fourth man has a certain type of sexual problem, which is caused by weakness of erection, rapid decline of sperm, decreased libido or psychological problems. All these problems in themselves are further divided into categories.

How is erectile dysfunction treated?

First the patient is interviewed at sexologist clinic in Delhi to distinguish between psychogenic and somatic causes. Psychogenic erectile dysfunction is mainly expressed in the period of adolescent hypersexuality, when an inexperienced man is not confident in himself during sexual intercourse. Organic problems mainly appear after 35-40 years. 

However, we begin by examining all of this in order to differentiate. Blood circulation should be examined, blood circulation in the genitals should be measured. Explore the areas that provide male potency. Nervous, hormonal, urological problems should be ruled out.

If we see a problem in the psychological aspect from the very beginning, then we no longer admit the patient to the examinations. We teach some techniques how it can be easily overcome. 

Erectile dysfunction at the time of the medications prescribed to patients? 

You cannot tell the specific names, they will be listed in the advertisement. In general, it is a circulatory enhancer, neurostimulants, biostimulators, stimulants. If you have diabetes, an endocrinologist is also involved when prescribing the medication. 

As for surgical treatments, these are operations on the blood vessels of the penis, phalloprosthesis - with the installation of certain special devices, a man will have an erection permanently. However, this method is used in extreme cases. Consequently, it can be said that an erectile dysfunction condition only exists if we are dealing with a particularly severe pathology.  

What is the rate of referral to a sexologist in Delhi in this regard? 

Applications are normal. Patients aged 16 and over also come. Everyone has one wish - to have an erection. However, it is clear that after the age of 65, when aging begins, more sagging problems arise, which in turn affects the ability to get an erection. For example, if at the age of 40 this problem is present in 25-30% of men, after years it is already more than 50%.

Can the loss of sexual desire be treated?

The absence of sexual desire is more frequent in women than in men, mainly because of the hormonal variations that occur depending on the phase of the menstrual cycle in which it is, or after menopause. 

However, in many cases the loss of libido has a psychological origin or communication between the couple, without necessarily having an association to specific pathological situations. Stress is another factor that can negatively affect sexual appetite, as well as some medications prescribed by the best sexologist in Delhi, India for the treatment of a certain ailment.

That is why the low sex desire treatment in Delhi implies not only the need for a correct diagnosis, but also to identify its origin. Thus, if it is a medicine, its replacement by another that meets the therapeutic objectives can solve the problem. If the loss of libido is associated with some type of disease, the treatment of it is possible to reverse sexual inhibition.

However, the most frequent is that different factors concur in the inhibition of sexual desire, so it is always important the intervention of a sexologist in Delhi, India to identify possible problems of coexistence and communication in the couple, an inadequate sexual education in some of them, the possibility that, for example, the woman, has suffered a sexual trauma in childhood or even, why not say that there is a sexual incompatibility between both members of the couple.

In all these cases, couples therapy is an essential part of the treatment of the inhibition of sexual desire and its objective should be, in addition to improving communication and resolving the points of conflict that arise in daily coexistence and sexual relations, says sex doctor in Delhi.

Take them to explore the different phases of sexual activity: desire, excitement, orgasm and resolution. In this way, a path can be opened to reorganize coexistence and find ways to stimulate desire in the couple, suggests top sexologist in Delhi, India.

Testosterone and sexual desire

Although testosterone is a hormone traditionally associated with man, the fact is that it is also present in the woman's body and, in both cases, it is related to the maintenance of desire and sexual response. 

This is something that can be seen in women who reach menopause and who generally suffer a drop in libido associated with other symptoms that, as in the case of vaginal dryness, make sexual intercourse painful, aggravate the loss of desire, says sexologist doctor in Delhi.

The possibility of treating the loss of sexual desire through testosterone patches has now been considered. However, this possibility has been widely questioned by gynecologists, essentially for two reasons. The first is that the improvement obtained in the clinical trials that have been carried out - from having three sexual relations per month to five - does not justify the use of this sex treatment in Delhi.

And even less if you consider the possible side effects, which are the elevation of cholesterol and the masculinization of physical appearance:
  

• Development of the musculature
• Acne.
• Facial hair.
• Changes in the voice.
• Sometimes, even clitoral growth.

Finally, it has been proven that the support of a sex specialist in Delhi can help the menopausal woman and her partner to jointly find new ways to enjoy sexual relations and thus restore sexual desire.

Myths Related to Premature Ejaculation

The premature ejaculation is male sexual dysfunction most common, affecting about 30%. A large percentage does not go to sexologist in Delhi, India believing that they do not need treatment. In addition to being guided by some myths and not all are true.

Let's clarify some of the most heard myths about premature ejaculation:

"Ejaculation is something that cannot be controlled":

The best sexologist in Delhi, India explains, ejaculation is somewhat controllable. Yes, there is a point of no return where ejaculation is immediate. Having a conscious perception of the sensations that lead to a reflex is a prerequisite for learning voluntary control.

"An excess of masturbation causes premature ejaculation":

It is one of the most recurrent myths about premature ejaculation, which is completely false. Yes, there is a possible relationship with self-stimulation and the speed with which it is ejaculated, during the sexual learning stage, masturbating quickly so as not to be "caught", teaching the body to respond immediately; therefore, we would try to solve this problem and change this inappropriate habit says top sexologist in Delhi.

"Alcohol or drugs are resources to stop premature ejaculation":

Many people consider that to contain and delay premature ejaculation can be a valid option to consume certain drugs or alcohol. What actually happens, when these substances are consumed, in the long term can develop other sexual dysfunctions (erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, low sexual desire,...), says sex specialist doctor in Delhi.

"Premature ejaculation causes infertility"

There is no existing relationship or scientific evidence in such a claim. However, if due to premature ejaculation there are few sexual relationships, there will also be fewer opportunities to conceive, says the best sex doctor in Delhi.

"Premature ejaculation cannot be cured":

Most cases that suffer from premature ejaculation, is due to psychological causes. On rare occasions, it is due to medical illness. Stress, lack of rest, poor diet, hormonal factors are some of the causes. All must be taken into account to begin to solve the problem. In premature ejaculation, man is unable to exercise voluntary control over his ejaculatory reflex, with the result that once he is aroused, he reaches orgasm very quickly. Besides the discomfort of being suffering from premature ejaculation can cause anxiety. From each to future relationships, it can cause the body to react again prematurely ejaculating. An adequate program for sex treatment in Delhi is effective to treat such dysfunction and reduce the discomfort and anxiety generated.

You can count on our team of sexologist doctor in Delhi whenever you need it, we are here to help you.