When to go to the sexologist?

Before going to the sexologist in Delhi, many people have spent time asking questions such as: What professional can help me with this sexual problem? Is it time to go to a sexologist? What problems does a sexologist treat? Why do people go to a sexologist?

A sexologist is a professional who has completed MBBS, MD, and who develops tasks related to sex education, sexual information or orientation, sexual dysfunctions, and sexological counseling and/or sex and couples therapy.

Therefore, one of the tasks that sexologists frequently perform is caring for people with sexual and/or relationship difficulties or problems.

 

What problems does a sexologist treat?

At Dr P K Gupta Sexologist Clinic in Delhi, people with difficulties or problems in their sexuality are cared for, as well as people with doubts or concerns about sexuality, couples or affective relationships.

Therefore, it is common for people to attend the sexology consultation:

• Worried because they feel that their erotic desire is too high or too low.
• Difficulty enjoying or having pleasure in sexual intercourse.
• With relationship or relationship problems (to understand or communicate, or to establish affective relationships and manage them...).
• With pain during intercourse or penetration.
• With doubts or concerns about their identity (how do I define myself: female, male, non-binary person...) or their sexual orientation (who do I like? which people attract me and to what degree?), as well as the management of these aspects in a society that does not quite accept diversity as the richness that it is.
• With concerns about the management of what society considers "masculine" and "feminine", their assigned roles and roles, and to what extent the person feels they fit (or not) into all of this.
• Concerned that their penis does not become erect, or the erection is lost during sexual encounters (erectile dysfunction, erection problems, "impotence"...)
• Worried that they ejaculate before or after what they want, or what they consider appropriate (sometimes called "premature ejaculation" or "delayed ejaculation"...)
• Difficulty reaching orgasm or enjoying it.
• Concerned because they do not achieve penetration (vaginismus).
• With difficulty managing non-monogamous or non-conventional relationships (polyamory, open relationships, liberal personalities, swinger couples...).
• With difficulty managing monogamous couple relationships (infidelity, jealousy, affective dilemmas, couple crisis...).
• In need of support after a love break or disappointment (love duels, breach of trust in the couple...)
• In need of support to facilitate sexual education in the family (mothers and/or fathers who want to offer their children adequate sexual education and do not know how to do it, mothers and/or fathers of LGTBIQA+ children who want to provide them with the best support, such as mothers or fathers of trans minors…)
• In need of support to manage non-normative erotic desires (“parafilas”, erotic peculiarities…) or non-conventional relationships (liberal people, kink…)
• Worried about feeling sexual, erotic or relational dissatisfaction.
• In need of support in personal and affective crises.
• With couple difficulties (problems with routine, loss of attraction...)
• And with other worries, problems or difficulties (abuse, shyness, difficulty establishing relationships or maintaining them, problems with body image and acceptance, fears...).

As we can see, a wide variety of difficulties (or problems, or concerns) are dealt with in the sexology consultation. Occasionally, and as we have mentioned on other occasions, there is the collaboration of other professionals (urology, gynecology, pelvic floor physiotherapy…).

But it's not all "sexual problems"

Although it is less frequent, in our work as sexologists we also find that there are people who come to a consultation simply to ask about a matter that they are unaware of, related to sexuality, or to clarify a doubt, or to enrich and improve a sexual life that already exists. 

And, of course, and linking to the above, people who are dedicated to sexology also carry out sexual education at all ages, adapted to the people or group in question.

Is it time to go to a sexologist?

In our work as sexologists we have seen that people have traditionally found it difficult to go to a sexologist doctor in Delhi, often thinking about it for a long time before going, or going when the problem was already serious or they had been suffering from it for several years.

But for some time now, we have seen that the situation is changing, people are valuing mental and sexual health more and the taboo that existed in this regard (if a person went to a psychologist or a sexologist, it was very difficult for them to discuss it with their friends or relatives) is disappearing.

Possibly the fact that many people with mental health problems are sharing it on networks (or with their friends) has contributed to the partial disappearance of this taboo. We also see that there is a greater social debate about the mental and psychological health needs of the population, which have also influenced the vision of sexuality problems and the need to receive attention to them.

Hopefully every day it will be easier to go to the sexology consultation, because happiness and sexual health are valued as part of the well-being of the person, because the taboo related to talking about sexuality is eliminated and going to a sex specialist doctor in Delhi if it is normalized you need. Just as some part of our body hurts and we go to the doctor, or our back bothers us and we go to a physiotherapist, and we have no problem commenting on it, or we don't wait until it's very bad to seek help.

And of course, hopefully the day will come when the population pressures public administrations to allocate more resources to the much-needed sexual education, which would avoid so many problems and disappointments.

Meanwhile, and returning to the question with which we began this section (“Is it time to go to a sexologist?”), one could answer that if the person feels bad about some aspect related to their sexuality, or does not have erotic satisfaction, or you feel bad about a matter related to your affectivity or relationships, or you have concerns or doubts, or you simply want support to enrich your sexuality and your relationships, indeed, a sexologist in Delhi can be very helpful.

The 5 most frequently asked questions to the sexologist

 Talking about sex is still a taboo subject for many and the reality is that we still do not have sex education in schools or even in health care. We grow up and know what sexuality is according to popular beliefs and we are not taught that sexuality speaks more about us than we think, our emotions, our desires, our desire to relate to others and above all about accept us as we are.

Dr P K Gupta, our sexologist in Delhi, has analyzed more than 10,000 consultations that have been made in the last quarter of this year and has extracted the main doubts that the users of the application have, which he will tell us about and give us answers to all of them.

What are our users most concerned about? The top sexologist in Delhi answers:

"I don't feel anything in my relationships"

The famous phrase of I do not feel anything in my sexual relations! It is par excellence one of the most read by our expert. Why is this happening? «Mainly it occurs due to the lack of knowledge about the body, pleasure and sexual practices. The couple usually gets to the point, and does not stop to think about her desire or what skills he can demonstrate with her partner so that they both enjoy it. This may be the main cause of not feeling desire in sexual relations, in addition to conflicts between the couple and stress, "says sexologist doctor in Delhi.

«Pleasure is achieved by having a good connection and communication, – and even with oneself -, in addition to the erotic games that must be carried out beforehand to excite both the body and the mind. One of the most important things will be the practice of self-stimulation to connect with one's own body and one's own pleasure." Dr P K Gupta asks us the following question, « how do you want to enjoy yourself with another person if you don't know what turns you on? «.

"I can't stand the time I want in bed"

It is one of the consultations most performed by men. A correct time for the encounters has not been established. You tend to think that the longer you hold on, the better the sexual relationship will be, and it is not so. « Sexuality is more than penetration and intercourse. It is seduction, play, sensuality, erotica and fun”, points out sex specialist doctor in Delhi. In this section, the importance of quality over time and quantity should not be forgotten. Enduring more in bed requires control over your own arousal, combining different sexual practices, not focusing exclusively on penetration, making stops, changing rhythms... For this reason, you should know that it is not a race, enjoy the moment, relax and power the rapport between you and your partner.

"I can't reach orgasm"

Generally, this consultation is carried out by women. Dr P K Gupta always asks this question after reading that, « Do you have anorgasmia from not reaching orgasm? The answer is probably no. This occurs when there is a lack of sexual knowledge, of the body, of sensations and of not knowing how to adequately stimulate the body and at the same time the mind. To reach orgasm, first of all you have to be relaxed, attentive to your body and its sensations. Another factor that affects are sexual beliefs about sexuality, “explains the best sexologist in Delhi.

"I ejaculate too fast, how can I fix it?"

Star question among the male sex. Each case is different since there are a wide variety of possible causes, from organic problems, drug or medication intake, emotional problems, body hypersensitivity... In this case, sexologist in Delhi advises to carry out a complete study to carry out a correct treatment. It is common to propose relaxation exercises, behavioral techniques to control arousal, exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor, change sexual habits and, of course, improve daily eating and resting habits.

"I don't feel desires towards my partner"

Desire is negatively affected by certain causes such as thyroid problems, stress, lack of time, conflicts, the intake of antidepressants or hormonal contraceptives and even by the comfort zone, - do the same and same way-. To work on this lack of desire, its causes must be located in order to later be able to propose practices to enhance it. Among which are included, the corporal explorations, the improvement of communication, the use of sexual fantasies, the reading of erotic novels, mindfulsex, among others.

How (and why) to do a sexual reset

Sometimes life can become a constant schedule, especially in these times when the boundaries between private and work have become more complex. Sticking to a schedule of work goals can work, but it's very different when it comes to sticking to the sex we may be missing out on in this demanding routine. That is why the best sexologist doctor in Delhi Dr P K Gupta suggests you to "get out of the vicious circle of having sex even if the desire has been turned off or mechanized, and where the only way to do it is a reset", he says, and then proposes 30 days of sexual fasting as a good way to reset our erotic side.

But despite the fact that this "detox" sounds interesting and popular, Dr P K Gupta, a sexologist in Delhi, explains that "the reset is not about pressing a button and that magically everything will improve the second. Recovering the desire is a reconstruction that has to be fully and over time, and there is a whole history to observe and work on. This, because there is something called 'the memory of desire', one that keeps the sensations of past encounters and that will allow us to develop our desire depending on whether they were pleasant or not”.

It is that memory that began to haunt Aparna Singh during her forties, when she began to realize that she was forcing herself to meet frequency goals in her sexual relationship. “During these two years of relationship, we used to see each other very often, but since I got a new demanding job, and this year the quarantines and the confused emotional states typical of the pandemic routine returned, the sexual encounters were decreasing,” she says. “Thus, I began to realize that for him, the issue of frequency was important, and I wanted to make a lot of effort to have more desire despite my tiredness, because I felt that it was an effort that I wanted to make for him. But that only made things worse.”

Dr P K Gupta, sex specialist doctor in Delhi, emphasizes that although recovery techniques should always be agreed upon and discussed, it is very important to remember from the beginning that not wanting to do it is also fine. “It still happens a lot in our society that men consider that sexual activity is a kind of right that corresponds to being in a couple, and that is something totally wrong. If one person has more desire than the other, he can see options of how to seduce her and try to activate her in consent, but it is not the obligation of the other to always respond to it”.

 

Dr P K Gupta assures that “if it is being an obligation, it is welcome not to have sex. Somehow, there is an accumulation of desire that is generated when the pressures with the couple end. Many times it happens that when one stops seeing each other for a while –for a trip for example–, the desire begins to be restored because there is no need to count the days that have passed without doing it, since the distance is inevitable. Applying the same to everyday life can be soothing.”

But if that reconfiguration is not accompanied by an intensification in the moments that deal with attraction and love emotions, it may be more difficult for it to work. Dr P K Gupta, sex doctor in Delhi, says that this happens because the reset “does not only depend on the meetings. For example, if the fasting time is used not to have sex and not to meet each other affectionately, it may be more difficult for motivation to return.

Connecting with emotions is fundamental, and for that, there are many options that can involve desire in this reconfiguration of the relationship. One of them is tantric sex, an ancient practice that refers to the art of consciously connecting with the person you love so that emotions can flow better during sex. Dr P K Gupta, a tantric therapist and specialist in sexuality and sexual trauma, believes that "sex today is experienced in such a rush by our way of life that we forget that we need time to activating these zones can be common and complicated, and generate the opposite of enjoyment”.

The initial practice for tantric sex has to do with working on breath control, and deep down, the emotional anxiety that unfolds in that act. Here the atmosphere will influence as much as the place and take the time to identify each sensory space while we connect. This helps the channel of desire to expand calmly. The music can be a sensual list, hopefully without a voice and with sounds that activate the erotic. “Once the connection is created, you can start to do whatever you both like best,” explains Dr Gupta, top sexologist in Delhi. "Many people believe that this requires hours, but on the contrary, my recommendation is that twelve sensory minutes are enough, and then, enjoyment can be given to taste, but with a powerful base of desire already prepared."

Here also the fact that tantric sex is only an encounter of friction and not of penetration is demystified, something that can play against when proposing it to the couple. “Many may believe that connecting with the emotions of the other does not include that stage, but it can and in fact it is a practice for advanced, only thought of in another way. Here it is not about making rapid movements in and out without thinking, on the contrary, the idea is that the penis is inside the vagina with soft and passive movements, because it will be the vaginal canal that will do a work of sensations. This one has strength and different types of pressure, suction and massage, all things that generate connection and desire”, says sexologist in Delhi.

So the options to recover the desire and stop thinking that sex is a calendar that we have to comply with are multiple, and will depend on the intentions of both. But if there is something that has been studied, it is that frequency is not synonymous with quality.

Fear of Sex: Causes And Solutions

Intimate encounters in a couple are an important source of reinforcement that allows the relationship to stay together. However, there are people who find in those moments one of the greatest fears that they must face, either due to the panic of ridicule, not being up to the task, the possible pain that can occur during intercourse or other variants. This fear of sexual intercourse affects both men and women in different ways and is much more common than it seems.

Currently, there are multiple types of fears, phobias and disgust in society, caused by the idea of ​​exaggerated control that one has, perfectionism, excessive hygiene, among others. All this contributes to the constant appearance of more and new cases of sex panic, which is reflected every day in the avoidance of the practice, as the main mechanism, anxiety crisis before the situation, it can even lead to somatization and appearance of diseases of difficult diagnosis.

But how do you know if you are afraid of sex?

As Dr. P k Gupta, sexologist in Delhi points out, nowadays there is a trend towards “self-diagnosis through the search for information - rather misinformation according to the expert - on the Internet and after that a greater inclination to self-therapy or an attempt at self-psycho treatment. " However, from sexology this fear can be divided into several types. On the one hand, the real phobia of sexuality or any of the elements that encompasses it, such as pregnancy, coital behavior or one's own or the other's genitalia. The phobic character also occurs that presents a more stable form of behavior, by automatically regulating the panic attack. And on the other hand, disgust.

Sexologist doctor in Delhi points out that both the latter and phobias have in common that they can turn into disorders if they turn into irrational fear. "It is rational to feel disgusted if I touch or taste something disgusting, but it is not rational if I stop having a relationship because I have some hair on my genitals or I force myself and my partner to always shower before and after the relationship," exemplifies the expert.

 

Once this fear has been diagnosed, the causes of its appearance must be known. The origin may be due to several reasons, such as the trauma caused by rape or abuse, the anxiety of a woman to become pregnant due to her mother's own fear or personalizing the sexual problems of others in oneself.

However, currently one of the main causes derives from the search for perfection in sexual life. The media, the early consumption of pornography, the over information, are generating real panic pictures about sexual relations. “Currently, there are men who, because of watching pornography at a very young age and the irrational idea that this is what to do and with that power and staging, become overwhelmed and feel unable to put it into practice. When they have their first experience and see how far they are from that irrational model, they enter an avoidance loop,” exemplifies sex specialist in Delhi.

Also, the excessive advertising of hygiene products and their results is generating new disgust and phobias. “Today the concept of the perfect vulva has appeared, sold by plastic surgeons. I understand that when there is a malformation someone wants to make it disappear, but turning a normal, large, small vulva, with more or less labia minora, into an object of personal rejection is an iatrogenic barbarity”, best sexologist in Delhi points out.

Possible solutions

Although there are several reasons why fear of sex can be present in anyone's sexual life, the existing measures to solve it are also varied. The first step is to identify the problem, once it has been achieved, you should immediately go to a sex doctor in Delhi. 

The expert points out that “one should not wait too long to ask for professional help”, to which he adds that “many try to seek outside help, face their fear with courage, for this they go to brothels, get married to force themselves, or introduce objects into their sexual organs. " On the contrary, you have to be aware and realistic when identifying the problem and go to the sex specialist doctor in Delhi. Dr. Gupta believes that "you should never go to the search for detailed information, or to self-treatment."

In addition, for this fear to disappear successfully, the help and support of the partner is necessary. This plays a very important role. “The behavior that the couple must adopt is to understand that the other has a problem and that he or she does not have to be the culprit or cause. The ideal help that he or she can offer is first in convincing and then collaborating with him or her in therapy”, explains the sexologist in Delhi.

Once this fear is overcome, the next step is to achieve maximum security in the sexual sphere, for this we must “eliminate the concepts of perfect sex, the concept of tantric sex or Disney romanticism, which have done as much damage as the pornographic one”, sexologist in Delhi emphasizes. All have created fear and insecurity or frustrations by distancing expectations from reality. "In sex, like everything in life, security is achieved with practice," says the best sexologist in Delhi.