Ask
With my partner we have been together for 15 years and we
have always had a good connection in bed and we have overcome marital
crises. However, lately he has started to avoid me sexually because he has
started to ejaculate prematurely. Every time I broach the subject with him
he tells me he doesn't want to talk and this has distanced us. What I can
do?
Answer
“Life as a couple confronts us with the challenge of
building a space of sexual-affective intimacy. This implies not only being
in the proximity of the bodies -marked by their own history- but also in the
nakedness of the psycho-affective shelters that each one has been building, as
fortresses or defenses, throughout life. In this sense, premature
ejaculation can appear in the first sexual experiences or late in specific
couple situations that compromise a certain type of intimacy. Each
couple relationship faces difficulties that are unique, since it is constituted
from the intersection of two stories,” says Dr P K Gupta, couple and family
therapist, and best sexologist
doctor.
“Contemporary life has given rise to fundamental
questions that put our most traditional representations in crisis: the
transformation of gender relations, the recognition of diverse identities, the
modification of roles. They are all issues that affect perceptions and
certainties about what is possible -and what is not possible- to expect from
oneself and from the other”, explains sexologist
Dr P K Gupta.
“Couple therapy, as well as psychoanalysis, lead us to recognize
in the manifestation of premature
ejaculation -as well as in other problems- a configuration that compromises
the couple and their particular context and way of life. This leads
us, necessarily, to ask ourselves about the unique conditions in which this
situation arises, both from the point of view of the relationship and of each
one in particular”.
What could have happened?
Premature
ejaculation is one of the main dysfunctions that affect the sexual life
of couples. Although biological factors are sometimes spoken of, all
studies show that in most cases they are related to biographical and relational
aspects.
In this regard, Dr
P K Gupta, points out that the causes for a man to manifest premature
ejaculation are diverse. “Human beings experience situations that
are triggered in a multifactorial way. Among the causes, we can find psychophysiological
manifestations such as anxiety and high degrees of distress, to which are added
difficulties in terms of self-image and self-esteem. We can also add concerns
or thoughts related to the work sphere or even difficulties in contact with the
immediate environment., experiencing a perception of hostility in
environments that were previously believed to be safe. In addition,
biological and/or physical alterations can be found, such as genital
infections, vascular alterations and/or hormonal imbalances”.
It is estimated that the causes of this condition
are 95% psychological and that 40% of men have suffered from it throughout
their history. According to Sexologist
in Delhi, every man is susceptible, at some point in his life, to
developing this condition because human relationships change and so do people.
For this reason, always faced with a problem of this type, everything that is
around the person who suffers from what is described must be analyzed.
On how such a situation can affect a relationship, the
expert points out that “many women see their well-being and sexual satisfaction
compromised. However, sexual satisfaction and well-being are always of an
individual nature, this means that each individual within a
relationship has the responsibility to worry about and generate their own
enjoyment and sexual well-being, which they choose to share and enjoy as a
couple, involving others affective and even social elements.
How to get through it together
When the sexual life of a couple is affected, it is the task
of both to solve it. This is what Best
Sexologist in India Dr P K Gupta believes, who maintains that the
only way to go through any difficulty as a couple is to have good
communication. “The sexual is just one more area within the complete
context of the couple, however, a large part of the resolution of these
situations implies the development of better communication. This requires
greater involvement and commitment from both members, whether or not they find
it difficult to talk about their intimacy”.
If we consider the sexual area as a subject that we cannot
address, it will be difficult to grow steadily as a couple. “My call is
to find oneself in communication, which even goes far beyond words
”, warns the expert sexologist in
Delhi.
As for the treatments that exist to cure this sexual
dysfunction, they range from pharmacological to more specific sexual therapies.
However, sex specialists in Delhi
always recommend a combined strategy aimed at developing the affective sphere
of the man, so that he can remove the situation that causes discomfort to both
members of the couple. Psychophysiological self-regulation techniques can also
be involved, which aim to reduce stress and anxiety generated from the
possibilities of generating sexual contact.
In this regard, Specialist
For Men's Health Dr P K Gupta, explains that: “If there is mutual
affection and the desire to project themselves together in a relationship, the
direct and indirect consequences that this problem brings to the couple can be
faced successfully most of the time.. However, along the way, the
complexities of premature
ejaculation, as a clinical entity, almost always require the help of a
professional who is dedicated in depth to the subject”.
For Dr P K Gupta, sexual
problem expert, the ideal is to attend therapy so that a professional
can educate on sexuality, self-care, self-esteem, break down myths and taboos that
make it difficult to express feelings, emotions and the free manifestation of
sexuality. sexuality. To take the first steps, the expert advises:
- Learn
self -stimulation again more slowly and consciously.
- Reduce
spaces in bed, literally speaking, since couples generally move away
physically while in bed.
- Revitalize
intimacy and complicity. Feeling the partner's skin and
discovering new erotic maps away from the genitals may be some
alternatives.
- Preside
over intercourse to reduce anxiety in the couple.
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