How (and why) to do a sexual reset

Sometimes life can become a constant schedule, especially in these times when the boundaries between private and work have become more complex. Sticking to a schedule of work goals can work, but it's very different when it comes to sticking to the sex we may be missing out on in this demanding routine. That is why the best sexologist doctor in Delhi Dr P K Gupta suggests you to "get out of the vicious circle of having sex even if the desire has been turned off or mechanized, and where the only way to do it is a reset", he says, and then proposes 30 days of sexual fasting as a good way to reset our erotic side.

But despite the fact that this "detox" sounds interesting and popular, Dr P K Gupta, a sexologist in Delhi, explains that "the reset is not about pressing a button and that magically everything will improve the second. Recovering the desire is a reconstruction that has to be fully and over time, and there is a whole history to observe and work on. This, because there is something called 'the memory of desire', one that keeps the sensations of past encounters and that will allow us to develop our desire depending on whether they were pleasant or not”.

It is that memory that began to haunt Aparna Singh during her forties, when she began to realize that she was forcing herself to meet frequency goals in her sexual relationship. “During these two years of relationship, we used to see each other very often, but since I got a new demanding job, and this year the quarantines and the confused emotional states typical of the pandemic routine returned, the sexual encounters were decreasing,” she says. “Thus, I began to realize that for him, the issue of frequency was important, and I wanted to make a lot of effort to have more desire despite my tiredness, because I felt that it was an effort that I wanted to make for him. But that only made things worse.”

Dr P K Gupta, sex specialist doctor in Delhi, emphasizes that although recovery techniques should always be agreed upon and discussed, it is very important to remember from the beginning that not wanting to do it is also fine. “It still happens a lot in our society that men consider that sexual activity is a kind of right that corresponds to being in a couple, and that is something totally wrong. If one person has more desire than the other, he can see options of how to seduce her and try to activate her in consent, but it is not the obligation of the other to always respond to it”.

 

Dr P K Gupta assures that “if it is being an obligation, it is welcome not to have sex. Somehow, there is an accumulation of desire that is generated when the pressures with the couple end. Many times it happens that when one stops seeing each other for a while –for a trip for example–, the desire begins to be restored because there is no need to count the days that have passed without doing it, since the distance is inevitable. Applying the same to everyday life can be soothing.”

But if that reconfiguration is not accompanied by an intensification in the moments that deal with attraction and love emotions, it may be more difficult for it to work. Dr P K Gupta, sex doctor in Delhi, says that this happens because the reset “does not only depend on the meetings. For example, if the fasting time is used not to have sex and not to meet each other affectionately, it may be more difficult for motivation to return.

Connecting with emotions is fundamental, and for that, there are many options that can involve desire in this reconfiguration of the relationship. One of them is tantric sex, an ancient practice that refers to the art of consciously connecting with the person you love so that emotions can flow better during sex. Dr P K Gupta, a tantric therapist and specialist in sexuality and sexual trauma, believes that "sex today is experienced in such a rush by our way of life that we forget that we need time to activating these zones can be common and complicated, and generate the opposite of enjoyment”.

The initial practice for tantric sex has to do with working on breath control, and deep down, the emotional anxiety that unfolds in that act. Here the atmosphere will influence as much as the place and take the time to identify each sensory space while we connect. This helps the channel of desire to expand calmly. The music can be a sensual list, hopefully without a voice and with sounds that activate the erotic. “Once the connection is created, you can start to do whatever you both like best,” explains Dr Gupta, top sexologist in Delhi. "Many people believe that this requires hours, but on the contrary, my recommendation is that twelve sensory minutes are enough, and then, enjoyment can be given to taste, but with a powerful base of desire already prepared."

Here also the fact that tantric sex is only an encounter of friction and not of penetration is demystified, something that can play against when proposing it to the couple. “Many may believe that connecting with the emotions of the other does not include that stage, but it can and in fact it is a practice for advanced, only thought of in another way. Here it is not about making rapid movements in and out without thinking, on the contrary, the idea is that the penis is inside the vagina with soft and passive movements, because it will be the vaginal canal that will do a work of sensations. This one has strength and different types of pressure, suction and massage, all things that generate connection and desire”, says sexologist in Delhi.

So the options to recover the desire and stop thinking that sex is a calendar that we have to comply with are multiple, and will depend on the intentions of both. But if there is something that has been studied, it is that frequency is not synonymous with quality.

My partner is a premature ejaculator, what can I do to help him?

Ask

With my partner we have been together for 15 years and we have always had a good connection in bed and we have overcome marital crises. However, lately he has started to avoid me sexually because he has started to ejaculate prematurely. Every time I broach the subject with him he tells me he doesn't want to talk and this has distanced us. What I can do?

Answer

“Life as a couple confronts us with the challenge of building a space of sexual-affective intimacy. This implies not only being in the proximity of the bodies -marked by their own history- but also in the nakedness of the psycho-affective shelters that each one has been building, as fortresses or defenses, throughout life. In this sense, premature ejaculation can appear in the first sexual experiences or late in specific couple situations that compromise a certain type of intimacy. Each couple relationship faces difficulties that are unique, since it is constituted from the intersection of two stories,” says Dr P K Gupta, couple and family therapist, and best sexologist doctor.

“Contemporary life has given rise to fundamental questions that put our most traditional representations in crisis: the transformation of gender relations, the recognition of diverse identities, the modification of roles. They are all issues that affect perceptions and certainties about what is possible -and what is not possible- to expect from oneself and from the other”, explains sexologist Dr P K Gupta.

“Couple therapy, as well as psychoanalysis, lead us to recognize in the manifestation of premature ejaculation -as well as in other problems- a configuration that compromises the couple and their particular context and way of life. This leads us, necessarily, to ask ourselves about the unique conditions in which this situation arises, both from the point of view of the relationship and of each one in particular”.

What could have happened?

Premature ejaculation is one of the main dysfunctions that affect the sexual life of couples. Although biological factors are sometimes spoken of, all studies show that in most cases they are related to biographical and relational aspects.

In this regard, Dr P K Gupta, points out that the causes for a man to manifest premature ejaculation are diverse. “Human beings experience situations that are triggered in a multifactorial way. Among the causes, we can find psychophysiological manifestations such as anxiety and high degrees of distress, to which are added difficulties in terms of self-image and self-esteem. We can also add concerns or thoughts related to the work sphere or even difficulties in contact with the immediate environment., experiencing a perception of hostility in environments that were previously believed to be safe. In addition, biological and/or physical alterations can be found, such as genital infections, vascular alterations and/or hormonal imbalances”.

It is estimated that the causes of this condition are 95% psychological and that 40% of men have suffered from it throughout their history. According to Sexologist in Delhi, every man is susceptible, at some point in his life, to developing this condition because human relationships change and so do people. For this reason, always faced with a problem of this type, everything that is around the person who suffers from what is described must be analyzed.

On how such a situation can affect a relationship, the expert points out that “many women see their well-being and sexual satisfaction compromised. However, sexual satisfaction and well-being are always of an individual nature, this means that each individual within a relationship has the responsibility to worry about and generate their own enjoyment and sexual well-being, which they choose to share and enjoy as a couple, involving others affective and even social elements.

How to get through it together

When the sexual life of a couple is affected, it is the task of both to solve it. This is what Best Sexologist in India Dr P K Gupta believes, who maintains that the only way to go through any difficulty as a couple is to have good communication. “The sexual is just one more area within the complete context of the couple, however, a large part of the resolution of these situations implies the development of better communication. This requires greater involvement and commitment from both members, whether or not they find it difficult to talk about their intimacy”.

If we consider the sexual area as a subject that we cannot address, it will be difficult to grow steadily as a couple. “My call is to find oneself in communication, which even goes far beyond words ”, warns the expert sexologist in Delhi.

As for the treatments that exist to cure this sexual dysfunction, they range from pharmacological to more specific sexual therapies. However, sex specialists in Delhi always recommend a combined strategy aimed at developing the affective sphere of the man, so that he can remove the situation that causes discomfort to both members of the couple. Psychophysiological self-regulation techniques can also be involved, which aim to reduce stress and anxiety generated from the possibilities of generating sexual contact.

In this regard, Specialist For Men's Health Dr P K Gupta, explains that: “If there is mutual affection and the desire to project themselves together in a relationship, the direct and indirect consequences that this problem brings to the couple can be faced successfully most of the time.. However, along the way, the complexities of premature ejaculation, as a clinical entity, almost always require the help of a professional who is dedicated in depth to the subject”.

For Dr P K Gupta, sexual problem expert, the ideal is to attend therapy so that a professional can educate on sexuality, self-care, self-esteem, break down myths and taboos that make it difficult to express feelings, emotions and the free manifestation of sexuality. sexuality. To take the first steps, the expert advises:

• Learn self -stimulation again more slowly and consciously.
• Reduce spaces in bed, literally speaking, since couples generally move away physically while in bed.
• Revitalize intimacy and complicity. Feeling the partner's skin and discovering new erotic maps away from the genitals may be some alternatives.
• Preside over intercourse to reduce anxiety in the couple.

Erection Problems Are Cause For Divorce

Erectile dysfunction is one of the leading causes of divorce worldwide. It may not be the direct cause, but erection problems generate secondary effects that follow each other as a chain reaction: fear of infidelity, insecurity, lack of understanding, fights, lack of desire, serious psychological damage and, of course, sexual dissatisfaction. All this disguised as “irreconcilable differences”.

Why do so many couples get divorced because of erectile dysfunction? 

Because it is something that is not talked about. If it is difficult for the individual who suffers from it to assimilate the issue, it is even more complicated to understand that this is a problem of two. The “cousin of a friend” used to say of his erection problems, “nobody knows what he has…until he has it!”

Never better said. Couples may not know that their spouse has erectile dysfunction, until they are the ones who start to suffer the consequences.

A few years ago, couples did not get divorced. Men and women were taught that marriage was for life, no matter what one or the other had to put up with. Were they happier than couples today? Very probably not, but unhappiness was part of the package and was accepted with resignation, so it was better to reconcile the "differences". Of sexual dissatisfaction, not to mention! How could that be a cause for divorce? It was what there was and if you didn't like it, bad afternoon.

Today, at least half of couple ties end in separation. Among the first “irreconcilable differences” - Solomonic decision that frees both of guilt and having to give explanations - are infidelity, physical or emotional violence, money problems, lack of communication and yes, lack of sex.

As a cultural fact, during the thirteenth century in Europe, erectile dysfunction (which then was not even known that such a male health problem existed), was the only acceptable reason for the annulment of marriage. If the objective was to procreate a family, it was valid to give up the bond if the man was not capable of giving offspring to a woman. In fact, it was considered a fraud. We can already imagine what it was like to present evidence...

But marriage annulment back then was not as easy as claiming “ irreconcilable differences ”. The woman had to demonstrate - through other humiliating processes - that the marriage had not been consummated, that is, that she was still a virgin. 

The men of that time must have married very old or suffered from erectile dysfunction from a very young age. In any case, it must have been terrible to be put on trial for not being able to copulate and worse still, not having a cure for his erection problems.

Well into the 21st century, we know that more than 50% of the men in the world will suffer from erectile dysfunction approximately from the age of 40 (although male sexual impotence occurs more and more frequently in young people).

We also know that science is on our side and today we have multiple options for erectile dysfunction treatment in Delhi. 

The mass and digital media have been open for several years to talk about male sexual dysfunctions, with very complete information about the alternative solutions. So why do couples keep breaking up because of erectile dysfunction?

The sexual differences in the couple, are they irreconcilable? 

 

As we have already said, erectile dysfunction is a male health problem in which the symptoms and consequences are suffered by two people. For this reason, both members of the couple must take action on the matter. Being empathetic, putting yourself in the other's shoes, putting aside your ego and holding hands to go out together to find the solution, is the first step. And no, it is not easy at all.

According to studies conducted, one in five marriages end because of male sexual impotence. 

The most common reaction in women to the apparent lack of sexual interest of the husband (or the inability to have sexual relations with her), is to doubt: is it because of me? Does he not like me anymore? Is he cheating on me? ? 

The doubts are justified and he also has them: is it just with her? Is it that she doesn't turn me on anymore? Am I bored? Could it be that I need something “new”?

Here are some interesting facts also provided by the leading sexologist clinic in Delhi:

• Nearly 60% of men who come to the clinic for erectile dysfunction have had sexual experiences with someone other than their regular partner.
  • 38% of these individuals have taken the 'empirical test of sexual potency': failing with their partner, they venture to have sex outside their home (with other people) to see if the 'failure' is due to sexual problems. with your partner or not.
  • Men with erectile dysfunction are 6% more likely to be unfaithful.

As we can see, what lies behind these figures is a first impulse to blame the other. Thousands of cases of “it's not me, it's you”.

Well ladies and gentlemen, realize, in erectile dysfunction there is no culprit! It is not something that the man has done to make himself impotence (at least not consciously) or that the partner has stopped looking attractive.

It is something that just happens. The causes are many and varied, whether physical or psychological. What concerns us here is how a couple experiences this sexual dysfunction and, above all, how to prevent it from being a cause of separation. 

The key word is “reconcile”. Among the ancient Greeks there was something called "agonal arguments". In these debates it was not about defeating or humiliating the other, but about reaching a truth. Discussions as a couple must be agonal, productive, without the desire to win. The debate is healthy as long as we understand that it is not about fighting, but about being understanding, opening our minds to the points of view of one and the other in order to find, together, that truth that causes change.

In communication on any topic, especially one as sensitive as erectile dysfunction, words should always be positive. Empathy, sensitivity to the feelings of the other and the ability to be compassionate are essential to encourage the man, who is going through one of the most difficult moments of his life, to seek medical help.

Most likely he is depressed, afraid, feels hurt in his self-esteem; what you need is a hug, not a reproach or an emphasis on "you can't", "you don't satisfy me", "you are not capable", "there is something wrong with you".

Let us never lose sight of the fact that sexuality is the responsibility of both and if the love is deep, mature and true, the egos are put aside.

The objective is, first of all, to solve the erection problems and then, to recover the sexual enjoyment of both and, of course, harmony.

Inform yourself with a sexologist in Delhi is essential. He will determine the causes of erectile dysfunction from a complete review of the patient's health status and in the same consultation, he will recommend a treatment. 

The treatment alternatives for erectile dysfunction are many and varied: oral medications, topical application, psychological therapy, shock wave therapy, among others, all always complemented by professional advice of the best sexologist in Delhi.

The latter is recommended, if both parties are available to take it as a couple. With the guidance of an expert sexologist in Delhi, they will be able to find their way back to the pleasure of a full sexual life, solve the conflicts that erection problems may have generated and, best of all, save their relationship.

Nobody teaches us how to have healthy sexual relationships, we learn it along the way if we are lucky enough to find a good partner (or partner). But when you go through something as strong as erectile dysfunction, the balance in all aspects of life can be broken.

At Dr P K Gupta Clinic we are pleased to have helped more than 1 lac patients to recover the enjoyment of their sexuality and their relationships, thanks to our sexologist doctor in Delhi who is experts in disciplines related to male sexual health, always with ethics, professionalism and total privacy.

Men and women have different ways of living our sexuality, each one has their triggers, their internal clock and their emotional needs. These differences are not irreconcilable if you find the right help and understanding of the other.

Our partner is the best mirror. They are there to show us aspects of ourselves that we are often unable to see. 

Erection problems do not have to end in divorce. Acting in time can save us a lot of suffering.

Sex is life and it is much more beautiful when you live in harmony, with health and with the right person.

Taking care of your erection problems is the first big step to reconcile the differences.

How to recover the sexual desire lost with the pandemic

When the relationship is 'deserotized': how to recover the sexual desire lost with the pandemic

The coronavirus has confined us, it has made us feel vulnerable and it has made it difficult for us to venture what the future will be like. With this percale, how do we keep the desire for sex?

Let's go for a year of pandemic. By now, we've stretched resilience to its limits. But it begins to crack: stress, anxiety, depression... With these wicks, the libido of many has been rock- bottom for months. “In order for the sexual response to develop in all its stages (desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution), the body must be calm. The slightest activation of our sympathetic nervous system, whose function is to put us on guard and in an immediate alert-flight attitude, will annul the relaxation necessary to start desiring”, explains Dr P K Gupta, Best Sexologist in India.

And here's the problem: the pandemic has skyrocketed our long-term stress levels (daily fear of infecting ourselves or our loved ones, losing our job, not being able to meet the bills). We have been on constant alert for almost twelve months and we are dragged along, physically and emotionally. With those wickers, it's normal for erotic passion to decline in many bedrooms.

Strategies to get back in the mood

The loss of sexual appetite does not distinguish between single and married, in a relationship or far away. At the beginning of the pandemic, the joke was circulating that, for once, those who live as a couple would have more sex than single people. But locking yourself up by obligation 24 hours a day with your better half (and with the children) more than an eternal honeymoon was for many a Big Brother: a lot of hustle and bustle and little intimacy. Those who lived alone were also not free from collective fear and now, on top of that, they have to rewrite the script of flirtation and spontaneous sexual relations. “Losing a loved one also often affects sexual arousal. And having passed the covid in the first person leaves a transitory exhaustion, even post-traumatic stress, which also interferes with erotic desire.

Low libido is not a disease. Just as it leaves, we can make it come back... with time and good manners. Experts propose several guidelines to recover sexual desire at home. “It is essential to recover spaces and time as a couple. When that space of complicity is missing, the relationship becomes 'de-erotized'. Knowing how to stop working and give yourself a break for pleasure is not going to sink the world economy. And it will do a lot of good for the couple's sexual health.

The comfy of walking around the house doesn't do much good to passionate desire either. Although we are comfortable with our loose clothing, without perfume, without combing or making up (them) and with messy hair and a few days' beard (them), being careless is the staunch enemy of passion. A dinner arranged, even at home, can enliven the passion of the senses.

What if there are children involved? In the absence of grandparents (it is not the best time to recruit them), you have to use your imagination. If both telework, perhaps the working day can be delayed a bit after leaving the children at school to dedicate a moment of pleasure to each other. With the children at home, the best sexologist in Delhi Dr P K Gupta, proposes to take it as almost like an adventure. “Establish a private moment while you leave the children with some snacks and their favorite movie. Or wake up earlier and play don't get caught." Anything to stimulate sexual desire.

And, although these are bad times for fantasy, we must return to eroticism. “Ask your partner about their fantasies or what they would like to try. Recover games that were previously pleasurable for you, try erotic readings…”, says sexologist in Delhi. Other colleagues are more precise: incorporate sex toys or other gadgets, new postures, watch pornography in privacy... Anything agreed upon that can spice up bedroom life helps.

In times of social distance, recovering physical contact is another key for specialist. “We must not neglect expressions of affection with touch, caresses, kisses, hugs. It is essential for the body and, above all, the head (the most important organ in this whole matter), to tune in again with the erotic and affectivity with our partner”.

Finally, sex specialist in Delhi suggests taking advantage of any moment as a couple to warm up engines. "Favoring spaces of physical contact, such as showering together or having a massage, without demanding that it go to greater lengths, gradually awakens desire and brings you closer to your partner again."

What if I feel like it, but my partner doesn't?

Each person experiences the pandemic in a different way. And not only because of the way of facing the reality of the coronavirus. The employment situation, the health of parents, siblings or friends, also conditions. “It is a delicate situation, because the person who maintains the desire usually feels rejected and abandoned and this often leads to expressing it from reproach and demand”, comments the sex doctor in Delhi. “This creates anxiety and a huge sense of guilt which, in turn, increases pressure and stress. Far from solving, we increase the problem. It is very important to try to talk to our partner without reproach or anger”.

Being caught by the pandemic at a time without a stable partner is not easy either. “Most people are being more cautious and, having less sexual stimulation, it is normal for the sexual appetite to decrease. But it is something that will recover over time and with the progressive return to normality.” says sexologist in Delhi.